here.

everyday i wake
with you in my arms
and awe in my heart
a smile
on my lips
this is peace
this is happiness
this
is more than i knew could be true
could be real
could be
mine
you are mine
as i am yours
we belong
to something more
to the force of our souls
intertwined
everyday is a gift
and every touch
rewrites
my everything
my every thing
my very DNA
burns
passion burns
as flesh
burns its permanence
no matter where you are
you will always be
here
in my mind
in my words
in my heart.

memories...

Here I am
Here- this desolate icy coldness.
Crevice in time, crack through my heart.
STUCK. Afraid to move forward
to feel this again- suffocated by fear.
Only tears break through
Breaking. Broken.
Shattered insignificance.
Hunted by truth,
destroyed by reality,
my own delusion,
my trust, my desire,
my perseverance,
my hope.
Betrayal- piercing my perception
my misconception
of what I deserved.
Afraid to move forward.
Vulnerability- unwillingly
scarred sensitivity.
Changing me
who I never wanted to be
losing control
I never had.

remember who asked

Always.
I will give you everything
As a gift, as an offering
Expose the throat
Head held high
Gaze forward- focused
Stark nudity
such vulnerability
this offering of all of me
Stands still
Still here
Standing before you
The Fear
Lies in the trust
Lies in the truth
and lies.
I feel this
Everywhere- in every muscle
In every movement
Like an extension
of everything good in me
Every moment of pride.
An answer
to every tear shed
to every “why” shouted
into emptiness
Stands here
before me
with the deepest brown eyes
and the most beautiful smile…

empowered.

There is no top,
no plateau,
no summit,
there is only up.
Forward. Up.
Limitation
is another man’s word,
we will never know.
Together-
we are everything
all things.
This.
This Love. This Power.
Did not exist
until we created it.
Perfect. Everything is
Perfect.
Perfectly where it’s meant to be.
Here.
Within. Between.
No one who came before
knew,
and none who follow
will see.
Ours. This is ours.
This is us.

i have no control
over anything
but
the me that will be here
when you are gone.

temptation

flesh
swollen, raised...
bruised, aching...
burning
longing
burning...
just a taste
just a tease
just a glimpse to hold on to
to long for
to replay countlessly
over and over
until we meet again...
soon
you said
hold on.
images flash-
body burns
everything craves
everything desires
that touch.
nothing left uncovered.
waiting... hoping.. wanting...
this moment
now
right now
promises and desires
and you
here
now.
you should be here
right now.

restlessness

disconnect
pull back, stagger.
withdraw, release, withdraw.
inside of you
and enveloping me.
was it spoken words?
or purely actions?
is it anything
if i don't give it breath?
tell me,
everything,
all the things
i never want to hear.
your voice
like a drug
i'll never know what hit.
my belief
in this
is more powerful than you.

full moon

nothing
means anything
means everything
means tomorrow
is another day.
the beauty
is in the fight
is in the moments
between minutes.
tangled,
torn,
between
dreams and fears.
fight what's inside
to hold on to the outside.
is it a choice
or a gift
or a game
at the hands of another?
every creation
holds its own keys to destruction.
there exists within,
a passion,
that drives
that builds
that burns
and burns.
all that i have
all that i am
will vanquish in this flame.

on love

radiant lack of darkness
pins and needles
beauty and pressure
and beauty
of connection
of empathy
of blissful serenity
the reality
born in the heart
grows in every interaction
expands beyond intention
chronic infection
of embodiment
surpasses its own spark of creation
protected in nurture
in reverence
in awe
in reception
created in positivity
in joy
and truth
and enlightenment
formative undulation of light
conquers balance
harbors peace
enables unity.

centered.

cleansing wisdom
inner strings pulled
pulled from chore electromagnetism
everything center
strength of indestructible balance
life force beyond transgression
radiates through power
and connection
all is one is all
peace
of essence
the humanity of me
one breath
one united movement
capability
harnessed in intuition
released in electricity.
touch
soft smooth embrace
hear
inner truth, reality of now
fragrance of transformation
sweet subtleties
vision of the divination of mundane
what used to be
now radiates
in reception
limitless elasticity
into an altered degree
expands beyond
any ability to limit in clarity
rise
above all
rise beyond the individual
anchored in physicality
released in mental awakening
from within
and from beyond
beyond rationality
beyond all that used to be
fire.
inner peace.
fire.
fear manifests in motivation
utilization
effect in the affect
amidst all
illumination.
elevation
holds light
lightly grounded in capability
in inspired resonance
wisdom from universal connection
breeds appreciation
reality, merely a formality.
Rebirth. Chosen.

DNA

body mind
between space time
within the inner most expanse of me
energy
pure breath of energy
filter through the me
spiral spiral
rise
awareness manifest in breathing patterns
slow, slower, slowly
ebb
disconnect into the reconnection
ebb
enter the exterior
through gated misconceptions
ebb
flow, slow, flow
breathe
deeper, out and beyond
flow
slow
release
relax
penetrate with concentration
experience
ebb and flow and experience
quiet stillness
still concentration
and spiritual manifestation
of self
oneself, yourself
myself
reconnected, resurrected
beyond mortality
into vitality
this vital sublimation
still the soul
into the ebb and flow
the breath of release
increased
paced progression
beyond intent
reinvention of indoctrination
in this moment
feel the intensity of sensation.

the whole world stops
every time
those words
cross your lips

every cell
within my being
burns with passion
as the words pierce my flesh

every wall
every reservation
dissipates
beneath the weight of this moment

everyting,
this means everything.

flight patterns

Today
unlike any other
not as good as tomorrow
yet better than before.
Looking forward
towards the future
for the first time
in a long time
wanting more.
Happiness
is tangible
is touchable
is inside.
Part of me
of what I used to be
has been set free.
Letting go
holding on
letting go
letting
myself feel.
Balance
on the tip of my tongue
on the edge of your world.
Walk the line
between yes and no
maybe.
Or maybe could be
will be
carefully
explored.
I say yes
if you say yes
and we say yes
then let's.
Dive
into the unknown
the unforeseen
the "this can't be"
happening
moment by moment
happening.
Every day
a little stronger
and always deeper
I stop falling
and begin to soar.

balance

relax
feel the tightness fade.
breath
focus on the air that feeds your mind.
exhale with certainty
new moments beginning.
search for stability
in the turning of tides
and recognize your mortality
as an object of beauty.
balance,
with dignity
with pride,
let trauma subside
into memories of love.
with trembling hands
conquer the world.

maturity

i used to speak before thinking
letting each word manifest itself in sound
as it entered my head.
i spoke fast
chaotically
in fits of rage
and passion.
like bullets
my words struck unprotected victims
of whatever was happening to me.

i speak now
rarely
when it cannot be avoided
with exercised answers
of intricate precision.
the truth locked inside
a forrest of lies.

release

fury of time
enraging savage language of love
heroes of virtue slain
in the conflict of death
decisions
mind's delirium
impending risks whisper temptation
with savory intrigue
lost in wonder
found in awe
awakening search
on the shores of Venus
through this chronic affection
inspiration develops
letting go of control
to find the way...

relax

sleep
in the chaos of your world
close your eyes
heavy with confusion
let it be
and escape
into your creation
take of yourself
what the world tried to keep
and just be.
smile
with satisfaction
sincerity
build the life you want
the one you've always deserved
because
you deserve so much more
than what you are living in.

sedated

dance with me
to the beating of our hearts
under this open expanse
of sapphire surrender.
sing to me
songs of passion's voyage
through the dew
on the leaves of the oak
upon whose branches i swing through my fears.
laugh with me
in our simplicity
sedated in innocent grins.
breath with me
the air of our future
feeling inner voids disappear
into the sweet serenity of life
when dreams
and truth
become one.

everything changes
when we open our minds
to the fact
that never exists only in expectations
imposed by another

full moon

we're in this
together
connected
beyond words, thoughts and intentions.
reverberate
within my soul
shake my heart
into a waking state
Alive.
I am
you are
this is.
Alive
for the first time
in so long
it actually hurts to feel
a pain so real
so beautiful
feel it
i feel it
this feeling
like a better part of me
or all of me
finally coherent
finally.
bigger than me
than what i profess to be
the us
the everything in between
a reflection of the depths of my soul
seen through the beauty of yours
elevated
above all else
above the scars of yesterday
exposed, delicate skin
flesh before flesh
beneath soft caresses
and butterfly kisses
cultivate today
tonight's truths bring tomorrow's harvest.

falling

your voice
resonates in my soul
ricochets between the walls of my heart
and materializes
upon my lips.
smiling
ear to ear
from within
everywhere.
every touch
every contact
ignites
every cell.
restoration radiates around me
begins within.
from my tongue
comes languages forgotten
words, once betrayed, and left for decay
now approach
the edge
of spoken and felt
of offered and taken...
fear diminishes
beneath your gaze
as hope
ceases its hiding.

a proclamation

I am
a reflection
of your projection
of every rejection.
A mere collection
of years of hesitation
love and separation
a manifestation
of sublimation
and violent frustration.
A shell of intent
and time never spent.
All the things you resent
all those promises lent
that never became
more than something to blame,
the absence of fame.
When everyday is the same,
I am your shame.
And yet
I am not you.
I will grow where you never grew
do things you'll never do.
You're resentment inspires
and ignites internal fires,
the pursuit of desires
beyond what life merely requires.
Released from your hold
and the soul that you've sold.
All the lies I've been told
will no longer mold
who i am to become.
You are only where I came from
never again march to your drum.
I have broken free
free to be fully me
to fully just be
a greatness
beyond anything you'll ever see.

promises promises

Sing,
sweet siren,
your beautiful song.
Lull me
into dreams unspoken.
Request me by name
if you want me
here
I'll be.
I am
Powerless
against every note that passes between your lips.
Every word
pulls me deeper.
Walls become ruins
where hope becomes truth.
Each and every breath
crisp with intention
fuels my desire.
Sing to me,
those moonlight promises
those intoxicated truths,
whispered before dawn's arrival
slow with sleep
and the scars of past trust.
I'll keep my promises
if you let me.

because no one else will do it for you.

for all the words,
the hours and hours,
the silence still holds
the ultimate serenity.

the looks
the wordless gestures
the accidental contact
the purposeful engagement
the soundless stares
seize my very existence
paralysis
ignites from within
forms a smile
deeper than words
stronger than hope
mind
to body
to soul
to mind

believe it
because its happening
believe it
because it stands before you


just reach out
just reach out and connect
it exists
you exist
this exists
somewhere.
bring it here.
take it
have it
hold it
enjoy every last minute.

blindness

caught.
eyes caught
I'm caught.
Body contraction
Filter. Filter. Filter,
Feel.
Grip, bite down
hold tight
hold steady
don't let go
don't let go
don't...
Let go,
let the blood
drain veins
into pools of dreams
and hopes and desires
and,
all these pieces of me.
Crimson.

Don't speak
words ruin
Don't speak
words ruin
Don't exhale
everything will be...
Ruined.
Eclipse my fate
straight down my center
Don't look
directly at it,
don't stare.
Blink
just blink
break the hold
break the light
don't let it
burn it's mark
it's permanent mark
it's beautiful, beautiful scar.
Look away.
It's too late...
Already want it
feel it
want it
need it
want it
hate it...

Want it..
Desire is not enough.

on learning.

vagabond
this bohemian curse of restlessness
forever forward
forever through
search and find and desire
take what I can
what I will
what I need
and move on
move forward
move backward
sewing seeds
but never roots
always wanting more and more and
more
always more
it’s never enough
but it’s just enough
to keep the journey
alive
constant desire
for change of pace
for different faces
tire easily, lay down for rest
settle for the daybreak
build a shelter
something stable
but its never home
always someone else’s sky
holding someone else’s stars
some nights they seem so close
so tangible
reach out
and grab air
great in theory
never in practice
muscles tighten
strengthen
define
redefine
will never be used
for better
for more
search and search
for something familiar
for something that fits
judgemental stares
as wrinkles deepen
mistaken for undriven
home is never here
it’s always up ahead
around the corner
somewhere beyond
the desire to hold it all
to see it all
to feel every last feeling
overcomes
and everythin always amounts
to nothing
just another move
in no direction
my home
does not exist
does not exist
does not exist.

every last piece

every last piece of me
felt that moment
heard those words
every last piece of me
collapsed beneath the force
shifted form
ebbed
and flowed
every neuron fired
like lightening
and trembled like rain
but
still
i sat still
paralyzed
i sat still.
I sat
still feeling
and unable to break the connection
every last piece of me
desired to pull away
desired to
desire something else
worth desiring
every fucking last piece of me
will always remember
will always remember
will always remember

full moon.

build it up
into everything
into nothing
into one moment
smile like you mean it
like you feel it
like you want it
too
let go of your mind
and fall into mine
pull the curtains closed
turn off the lights
shut the doors
hide from everything
and everyone
and feel it
the burn
the fire
the burn
the desire
the fear
all of it
every last drop
bleed it dry.

ground control.

your heart beats
this moment
steady
sturdy
drum of life.
I pretend to be near it
close my eyes
feel its rhythm
slow my breathing
match its pace
follow suit
follow slumber
follow you
into tomorrow
I know you're there
not far from here,
where i am not
distance builds
like tension
feeding anxiety
inside of me
my heart speaks to me
in your voice.

Movie of my life

Pictures flashing
to a background of tearing metal
in the silence of my world.
A train's unceasing whistle
blows steadily in the distance
of my insomnia
drawing me back
to these unfamiliar surroundings
that never seem to leave,
yet always hold
the bitter taste of newness
in familiar
sleepless nights.

Wine

Reality-
tormenting imagination-
discouraging words.
Chains
stained in blood
of brilliance
that covers the floor
of this desolate imprisonment.
Thick with dispair
the wine of your love
threatening isolation
or worse.
Identity
the scarlet stains upon your feet
the day in your hands.
Scars on wrists
still bleed
memories
of hopeless nights
in your arms...

No end in sight

How does solitude work
in the midst of a crowd
beneath hollow smiles
and painful laughter
and swallowed tears
and you become numb
to the convulsing of your body
and the shortness of your breath
and you can't cry out the pain
but you can't stop either?
How does it find the weakest chord
of your heart
and the deepest pit
of your stomach
and leave an aching
in your soul
and let you go on living?

Fire

I knew I was undeserving
but i think
I forgot in the midst of my bliss.
And now I'm being slapped
across the face
with the harsh reality I'd laid aside.
And I feel nothing
as I watch this hell I've created
Nothing
but heat.

Not today...

I don't have this in me
the strength required to breathe
I see my place
the steps I've taken
the path
so long
I spin around
and watch it all unwind
twisting turning
spinning out.
I can't move
can't walk
can't stand
it anymore.
Lifeless
limp
broken
fall to the gravel...
That last breathe of air
exhaled in a plea
evaporates
dissipates
escapes...
Leave me here
suffocating on words unspoken
choking on desire
dying
piece by piece
the blood shuts off
reality is nothing
but a dark memory
of light.

Scars

Lilac voices whisper passion's secrets
in silent revenge.
Lost in time bound by tension
footsteps fade as we walk.
Incapable surrender
breeding folly
lighting paths of indecision.
Misunderstood.
Stop understanding
and conquer
dusk's amber mercy.
Lacking apology
again and again, again,
harmless perversion.
Passion withdrawn from icicle voices
ascending phantom trials.
Shimmering abscess
in tears of gold.
Revenge subsides
into scars of hope
on the knees of children.

Full Moon

Silver slip of moon
pulsates through you
evading recognition.
Insecurity exposed
where confidence prevails.
Shudder with timidity
at the touch of bare skin.
Thoughts
irrational plans,
soft caresses
truthful kisses.
Unwarranted underestimation,
time on the backs of wild horses
fleeing control.
Blinded by sunfire,
one's own masachism,
returning
again and again
to the hands of martyrs.

Water's Edge

In the crashing of worlds
your hand slipped from mine
gone,
swimming through time.
My screams lost in the weight of water
heavier than life
than hope.
I see your silhouette on the horizon of my future,
a vague hesitation hidden in your actions.
There is fear in this place,
I've yet to distinguish to whom it belongs.
It lurks, watches, and waits
as we do.
It's presence brings a weakening of mind.
Talk to me, you're voice like honey
sweet
thick
tell me more.
You kiss my stomach
so lightly
so softly
waiting
for me to disappear.

What Dreams May Come

I must sleep now,
my eyes close without my permission
they forget.
Time does not wait,
nor offer patience.
If only my body
were as fast as my mind
chasing time.
Each tick of the clock
binding down my thoughts,
tick...
tock...
see what I've forgot.
Wrestling the sun for a moment's lapse.
Falling
scorched
into borrowed time.

Power Source

like electricity
you run through me
bringing power
a shallow analogy
a deep abrasion
your beauty
like wildfire
burns with intensity
melting my perplexity
the stars in your eyes
the clouds on your tongue
your wisdom
like silence
misunderstood
loved
hated
beautiful.

Looking Down

I see you at night
in the songs of my head
I taste you
in the aroma of my dreams.
On the edge of your world
I balance the truths of my life.
Eagles soar beneath me
mocking me with their knowledge
taunting me with their peace...
Trapped in this maze
watching each step...
stumble...
fall...
From the looks of it
you'd think I know what I'm doing.

Tell Me

I need you so much tonight
I keep catching myself
staring at the phone
hoping to lift the receiver
and hear your voice

is that so wrong?

In another world
I'd be with you
your hands holding mine
you'd tell me I will be alright
everything will be okay
and I'd believe you.

But here I am.

And I know you won't call
yet I sit
and wait
anticipating an imaginary ring...

Commands

Analyze me
pick me apart and tell me
what I'm doing
who I am
piece by piece tell me

Create for me
my own reality
If you can do it better than me
just be me

And if you can't
let me be

Purple

I knew you once
in an amethyst summer
in a crystal glare

Hand in hand
we ran
barefoot
Splashing on the banks of sanity
our river of life

Hide and seek
in a grove of willows
We searched for one another
I lost your gaze
in a violet storm
when the rays of your laughter pierced my heart

I followed your voice
to a fortress forbidden
where I stand
waiting
blinded by the crystal glare of your absence

Daffodils

Light subsides into the darkness of your absence
In a pretense of smiles
I hunger for your love
Swimming through fields of emptiness
My dreams cry out your name

The end of my reach
your forbidden sunrise

Flesh burns with desire.

Leap from my fingertips
into a sanctuary of denial
Drifting away
bloom freely

I'll collect the petals
in my daffodil dusk.

Open Wounds

Inspire me.
Let your life bleed through my pen
think ink of our friendship

All that is left of us
my words and your voice
trapped in mind's caverns

Run.
Flee to your vineyards of lust
discover the wine of another

Sip slowly,
cleansing your flesh

with uncertainty, return

and bleed through me.