falling

your voice
resonates in my soul
ricochets between the walls of my heart
and materializes
upon my lips.
smiling
ear to ear
from within
everywhere.
every touch
every contact
ignites
every cell.
restoration radiates around me
begins within.
from my tongue
comes languages forgotten
words, once betrayed, and left for decay
now approach
the edge
of spoken and felt
of offered and taken...
fear diminishes
beneath your gaze
as hope
ceases its hiding.

a proclamation

I am
a reflection
of your projection
of every rejection.
A mere collection
of years of hesitation
love and separation
a manifestation
of sublimation
and violent frustration.
A shell of intent
and time never spent.
All the things you resent
all those promises lent
that never became
more than something to blame,
the absence of fame.
When everyday is the same,
I am your shame.
And yet
I am not you.
I will grow where you never grew
do things you'll never do.
You're resentment inspires
and ignites internal fires,
the pursuit of desires
beyond what life merely requires.
Released from your hold
and the soul that you've sold.
All the lies I've been told
will no longer mold
who i am to become.
You are only where I came from
never again march to your drum.
I have broken free
free to be fully me
to fully just be
a greatness
beyond anything you'll ever see.

promises promises

Sing,
sweet siren,
your beautiful song.
Lull me
into dreams unspoken.
Request me by name
if you want me
here
I'll be.
I am
Powerless
against every note that passes between your lips.
Every word
pulls me deeper.
Walls become ruins
where hope becomes truth.
Each and every breath
crisp with intention
fuels my desire.
Sing to me,
those moonlight promises
those intoxicated truths,
whispered before dawn's arrival
slow with sleep
and the scars of past trust.
I'll keep my promises
if you let me.

because no one else will do it for you.

for all the words,
the hours and hours,
the silence still holds
the ultimate serenity.

the looks
the wordless gestures
the accidental contact
the purposeful engagement
the soundless stares
seize my very existence
paralysis
ignites from within
forms a smile
deeper than words
stronger than hope
mind
to body
to soul
to mind

believe it
because its happening
believe it
because it stands before you


just reach out
just reach out and connect
it exists
you exist
this exists
somewhere.
bring it here.
take it
have it
hold it
enjoy every last minute.

blindness

caught.
eyes caught
I'm caught.
Body contraction
Filter. Filter. Filter,
Feel.
Grip, bite down
hold tight
hold steady
don't let go
don't let go
don't...
Let go,
let the blood
drain veins
into pools of dreams
and hopes and desires
and,
all these pieces of me.
Crimson.

Don't speak
words ruin
Don't speak
words ruin
Don't exhale
everything will be...
Ruined.
Eclipse my fate
straight down my center
Don't look
directly at it,
don't stare.
Blink
just blink
break the hold
break the light
don't let it
burn it's mark
it's permanent mark
it's beautiful, beautiful scar.
Look away.
It's too late...
Already want it
feel it
want it
need it
want it
hate it...

Want it..
Desire is not enough.

on learning.

vagabond
this bohemian curse of restlessness
forever forward
forever through
search and find and desire
take what I can
what I will
what I need
and move on
move forward
move backward
sewing seeds
but never roots
always wanting more and more and
more
always more
it’s never enough
but it’s just enough
to keep the journey
alive
constant desire
for change of pace
for different faces
tire easily, lay down for rest
settle for the daybreak
build a shelter
something stable
but its never home
always someone else’s sky
holding someone else’s stars
some nights they seem so close
so tangible
reach out
and grab air
great in theory
never in practice
muscles tighten
strengthen
define
redefine
will never be used
for better
for more
search and search
for something familiar
for something that fits
judgemental stares
as wrinkles deepen
mistaken for undriven
home is never here
it’s always up ahead
around the corner
somewhere beyond
the desire to hold it all
to see it all
to feel every last feeling
overcomes
and everythin always amounts
to nothing
just another move
in no direction
my home
does not exist
does not exist
does not exist.

every last piece

every last piece of me
felt that moment
heard those words
every last piece of me
collapsed beneath the force
shifted form
ebbed
and flowed
every neuron fired
like lightening
and trembled like rain
but
still
i sat still
paralyzed
i sat still.
I sat
still feeling
and unable to break the connection
every last piece of me
desired to pull away
desired to
desire something else
worth desiring
every fucking last piece of me
will always remember
will always remember
will always remember

full moon.

build it up
into everything
into nothing
into one moment
smile like you mean it
like you feel it
like you want it
too
let go of your mind
and fall into mine
pull the curtains closed
turn off the lights
shut the doors
hide from everything
and everyone
and feel it
the burn
the fire
the burn
the desire
the fear
all of it
every last drop
bleed it dry.

ground control.

your heart beats
this moment
steady
sturdy
drum of life.
I pretend to be near it
close my eyes
feel its rhythm
slow my breathing
match its pace
follow suit
follow slumber
follow you
into tomorrow
I know you're there
not far from here,
where i am not
distance builds
like tension
feeding anxiety
inside of me
my heart speaks to me
in your voice.

Movie of my life

Pictures flashing
to a background of tearing metal
in the silence of my world.
A train's unceasing whistle
blows steadily in the distance
of my insomnia
drawing me back
to these unfamiliar surroundings
that never seem to leave,
yet always hold
the bitter taste of newness
in familiar
sleepless nights.

Wine

Reality-
tormenting imagination-
discouraging words.
Chains
stained in blood
of brilliance
that covers the floor
of this desolate imprisonment.
Thick with dispair
the wine of your love
threatening isolation
or worse.
Identity
the scarlet stains upon your feet
the day in your hands.
Scars on wrists
still bleed
memories
of hopeless nights
in your arms...

No end in sight

How does solitude work
in the midst of a crowd
beneath hollow smiles
and painful laughter
and swallowed tears
and you become numb
to the convulsing of your body
and the shortness of your breath
and you can't cry out the pain
but you can't stop either?
How does it find the weakest chord
of your heart
and the deepest pit
of your stomach
and leave an aching
in your soul
and let you go on living?

Fire

I knew I was undeserving
but i think
I forgot in the midst of my bliss.
And now I'm being slapped
across the face
with the harsh reality I'd laid aside.
And I feel nothing
as I watch this hell I've created
Nothing
but heat.

Not today...

I don't have this in me
the strength required to breathe
I see my place
the steps I've taken
the path
so long
I spin around
and watch it all unwind
twisting turning
spinning out.
I can't move
can't walk
can't stand
it anymore.
Lifeless
limp
broken
fall to the gravel...
That last breathe of air
exhaled in a plea
evaporates
dissipates
escapes...
Leave me here
suffocating on words unspoken
choking on desire
dying
piece by piece
the blood shuts off
reality is nothing
but a dark memory
of light.

Scars

Lilac voices whisper passion's secrets
in silent revenge.
Lost in time bound by tension
footsteps fade as we walk.
Incapable surrender
breeding folly
lighting paths of indecision.
Misunderstood.
Stop understanding
and conquer
dusk's amber mercy.
Lacking apology
again and again, again,
harmless perversion.
Passion withdrawn from icicle voices
ascending phantom trials.
Shimmering abscess
in tears of gold.
Revenge subsides
into scars of hope
on the knees of children.

Full Moon

Silver slip of moon
pulsates through you
evading recognition.
Insecurity exposed
where confidence prevails.
Shudder with timidity
at the touch of bare skin.
Thoughts
irrational plans,
soft caresses
truthful kisses.
Unwarranted underestimation,
time on the backs of wild horses
fleeing control.
Blinded by sunfire,
one's own masachism,
returning
again and again
to the hands of martyrs.

Water's Edge

In the crashing of worlds
your hand slipped from mine
gone,
swimming through time.
My screams lost in the weight of water
heavier than life
than hope.
I see your silhouette on the horizon of my future,
a vague hesitation hidden in your actions.
There is fear in this place,
I've yet to distinguish to whom it belongs.
It lurks, watches, and waits
as we do.
It's presence brings a weakening of mind.
Talk to me, you're voice like honey
sweet
thick
tell me more.
You kiss my stomach
so lightly
so softly
waiting
for me to disappear.

What Dreams May Come

I must sleep now,
my eyes close without my permission
they forget.
Time does not wait,
nor offer patience.
If only my body
were as fast as my mind
chasing time.
Each tick of the clock
binding down my thoughts,
tick...
tock...
see what I've forgot.
Wrestling the sun for a moment's lapse.
Falling
scorched
into borrowed time.

Power Source

like electricity
you run through me
bringing power
a shallow analogy
a deep abrasion
your beauty
like wildfire
burns with intensity
melting my perplexity
the stars in your eyes
the clouds on your tongue
your wisdom
like silence
misunderstood
loved
hated
beautiful.

Looking Down

I see you at night
in the songs of my head
I taste you
in the aroma of my dreams.
On the edge of your world
I balance the truths of my life.
Eagles soar beneath me
mocking me with their knowledge
taunting me with their peace...
Trapped in this maze
watching each step...
stumble...
fall...
From the looks of it
you'd think I know what I'm doing.