ground control.

your heart beats
this moment
steady
sturdy
drum of life.
I pretend to be near it
close my eyes
feel its rhythm
slow my breathing
match its pace
follow suit
follow slumber
follow you
into tomorrow
I know you're there
not far from here,
where i am not
distance builds
like tension
feeding anxiety
inside of me
my heart speaks to me
in your voice.

Movie of my life

Pictures flashing
to a background of tearing metal
in the silence of my world.
A train's unceasing whistle
blows steadily in the distance
of my insomnia
drawing me back
to these unfamiliar surroundings
that never seem to leave,
yet always hold
the bitter taste of newness
in familiar
sleepless nights.

Wine

Reality-
tormenting imagination-
discouraging words.
Chains
stained in blood
of brilliance
that covers the floor
of this desolate imprisonment.
Thick with dispair
the wine of your love
threatening isolation
or worse.
Identity
the scarlet stains upon your feet
the day in your hands.
Scars on wrists
still bleed
memories
of hopeless nights
in your arms...

No end in sight

How does solitude work
in the midst of a crowd
beneath hollow smiles
and painful laughter
and swallowed tears
and you become numb
to the convulsing of your body
and the shortness of your breath
and you can't cry out the pain
but you can't stop either?
How does it find the weakest chord
of your heart
and the deepest pit
of your stomach
and leave an aching
in your soul
and let you go on living?

Fire

I knew I was undeserving
but i think
I forgot in the midst of my bliss.
And now I'm being slapped
across the face
with the harsh reality I'd laid aside.
And I feel nothing
as I watch this hell I've created
Nothing
but heat.

Not today...

I don't have this in me
the strength required to breathe
I see my place
the steps I've taken
the path
so long
I spin around
and watch it all unwind
twisting turning
spinning out.
I can't move
can't walk
can't stand
it anymore.
Lifeless
limp
broken
fall to the gravel...
That last breathe of air
exhaled in a plea
evaporates
dissipates
escapes...
Leave me here
suffocating on words unspoken
choking on desire
dying
piece by piece
the blood shuts off
reality is nothing
but a dark memory
of light.

Scars

Lilac voices whisper passion's secrets
in silent revenge.
Lost in time bound by tension
footsteps fade as we walk.
Incapable surrender
breeding folly
lighting paths of indecision.
Misunderstood.
Stop understanding
and conquer
dusk's amber mercy.
Lacking apology
again and again, again,
harmless perversion.
Passion withdrawn from icicle voices
ascending phantom trials.
Shimmering abscess
in tears of gold.
Revenge subsides
into scars of hope
on the knees of children.

Full Moon

Silver slip of moon
pulsates through you
evading recognition.
Insecurity exposed
where confidence prevails.
Shudder with timidity
at the touch of bare skin.
Thoughts
irrational plans,
soft caresses
truthful kisses.
Unwarranted underestimation,
time on the backs of wild horses
fleeing control.
Blinded by sunfire,
one's own masachism,
returning
again and again
to the hands of martyrs.

Water's Edge

In the crashing of worlds
your hand slipped from mine
gone,
swimming through time.
My screams lost in the weight of water
heavier than life
than hope.
I see your silhouette on the horizon of my future,
a vague hesitation hidden in your actions.
There is fear in this place,
I've yet to distinguish to whom it belongs.
It lurks, watches, and waits
as we do.
It's presence brings a weakening of mind.
Talk to me, you're voice like honey
sweet
thick
tell me more.
You kiss my stomach
so lightly
so softly
waiting
for me to disappear.

What Dreams May Come

I must sleep now,
my eyes close without my permission
they forget.
Time does not wait,
nor offer patience.
If only my body
were as fast as my mind
chasing time.
Each tick of the clock
binding down my thoughts,
tick...
tock...
see what I've forgot.
Wrestling the sun for a moment's lapse.
Falling
scorched
into borrowed time.

Power Source

like electricity
you run through me
bringing power
a shallow analogy
a deep abrasion
your beauty
like wildfire
burns with intensity
melting my perplexity
the stars in your eyes
the clouds on your tongue
your wisdom
like silence
misunderstood
loved
hated
beautiful.

Looking Down

I see you at night
in the songs of my head
I taste you
in the aroma of my dreams.
On the edge of your world
I balance the truths of my life.
Eagles soar beneath me
mocking me with their knowledge
taunting me with their peace...
Trapped in this maze
watching each step...
stumble...
fall...
From the looks of it
you'd think I know what I'm doing.

Tell Me

I need you so much tonight
I keep catching myself
staring at the phone
hoping to lift the receiver
and hear your voice

is that so wrong?

In another world
I'd be with you
your hands holding mine
you'd tell me I will be alright
everything will be okay
and I'd believe you.

But here I am.

And I know you won't call
yet I sit
and wait
anticipating an imaginary ring...

Commands

Analyze me
pick me apart and tell me
what I'm doing
who I am
piece by piece tell me

Create for me
my own reality
If you can do it better than me
just be me

And if you can't
let me be

Purple

I knew you once
in an amethyst summer
in a crystal glare

Hand in hand
we ran
barefoot
Splashing on the banks of sanity
our river of life

Hide and seek
in a grove of willows
We searched for one another
I lost your gaze
in a violet storm
when the rays of your laughter pierced my heart

I followed your voice
to a fortress forbidden
where I stand
waiting
blinded by the crystal glare of your absence

Daffodils

Light subsides into the darkness of your absence
In a pretense of smiles
I hunger for your love
Swimming through fields of emptiness
My dreams cry out your name

The end of my reach
your forbidden sunrise

Flesh burns with desire.

Leap from my fingertips
into a sanctuary of denial
Drifting away
bloom freely

I'll collect the petals
in my daffodil dusk.

Open Wounds

Inspire me.
Let your life bleed through my pen
think ink of our friendship

All that is left of us
my words and your voice
trapped in mind's caverns

Run.
Flee to your vineyards of lust
discover the wine of another

Sip slowly,
cleansing your flesh

with uncertainty, return

and bleed through me.