crash.
come crashing down
wash over me
fall.
a thousand steps
endlessly
out of nowhere
and from everything
spilling

silent screams
and silent tears
shattering
pounding.

deny deny deny
believe.

smoke rings
dissipate
radiate
floating asunder.
beauty engulfing
enclosing
blinding.
the weight
encapsulates
but does not flee.
those eyes
burn through my soul
burn through my walls
burn through the haze
of lost time.
feel it
you feel this
connection
your energy gave you away.
and mine?
stark
exposed
there was no reason to hide
why hide this?
why pretend?
this is me.

every day
a step closer
each movement away
draws closer to the truth
it is everything it never was

my heart convulsed
and everything went numb
there was no light
nor was there darkness
the only feeling was weight

there is a lesson
here
in this desolation
but learning
will leave you naked upon the alter.

feel my love this night
i seek you in the depths of your dreams
your heart unguarded
embraces mine
the remnants of our love for each other
will rest upon your lips
as you awake.
reach for me
where i used to be
and feel this absence
nobody is winning
like this.

i pray for words
for brilliant words
that illuminate
this chasm in my heart
look
look right here
see this void?
that's the place where you belong.

incomplete.
that's the feeling
part of me
existing so far away
like an open wound
this throbbing consumption.

oh baby,
i don't know what to do.

there is no bouncing back from this
i will never be the same

ebb

like a thousand sunsets
the weight of a day put to rest
falls against this backdrop
of obligations
a hand outheld
always waiting
wanting
depleted
defeated
frustration
never enough
time
courage
energy
only hope
and faith
just so tired
of always trying
falling one step short
of every goal
of every mark
fading potential
and fleeting years
cant begin tomorrow
when i've yet to finish today

the weight of this silence
traps my breath within my chest
even tears cannot fall against it
there is a moment
that marks a point
when return is no longer an option
did it pass?
in the midst of everyday bullshit
and misguided thought?
did it slip
and fill the gap in between?
its power like stone
unbreakable...
soon,
we'll know soon
maybe it's too soon
to know for sure
or maybe certainty
comes unwillingly
yet unceasingly
increasingly....
i'll fight
till fists bleed
blood may be futile
but it's thicker than tears

sometimes
the wind shifts
and words slip
and even the brightest of days
are lost to haze
and you sit
and wonder
and sit
wondering
how quickly things held
can be dropped
when the heart stops
the mind still turns
slowly turns
head over heals over head
over
the smallest of mistakes
have the highest of stakes
in one quick flash
you see the past
in the future
forgetting to question tomorrow
lets history repeat
but you're in so deep...

fear

i remember
searching for this
not finding
empty hands
looking so hard
to find this
before it found me
only to find
that it was right in front
staring, eye to eye
close enough to touch.
of course i did
of course i looked right past it
overlooked it
looked away
i knew there was something
if only one thing
and here it is.
shake my hand
my the best man win.

disbelief

i can't
i can't believe it
i try
everyday
i try
to convince myself
it's just too good
so good
amazing
can it really be?
honestly, seriously...
is this really possible?
how?
do you do it
does it work...?
baby..
tell me
really, truly..
are you for real?
is this for real?
mine?
it's perfect
all of it.
more.
please, more.
always, more..
please?

here.

everyday i wake
with you in my arms
and awe in my heart
a smile
on my lips
this is peace
this is happiness
this
is more than i knew could be true
could be real
could be
mine
you are mine
as i am yours
we belong
to something more
to the force of our souls
intertwined
everyday is a gift
and every touch
rewrites
my everything
my every thing
my very DNA
burns
passion burns
as flesh
burns its permanence
no matter where you are
you will always be
here
in my mind
in my words
in my heart.

memories...

Here I am
Here- this desolate icy coldness.
Crevice in time, crack through my heart.
STUCK. Afraid to move forward
to feel this again- suffocated by fear.
Only tears break through
Breaking. Broken.
Shattered insignificance.
Hunted by truth,
destroyed by reality,
my own delusion,
my trust, my desire,
my perseverance,
my hope.
Betrayal- piercing my perception
my misconception
of what I deserved.
Afraid to move forward.
Vulnerability- unwillingly
scarred sensitivity.
Changing me
who I never wanted to be
losing control
I never had.

remember who asked

Always.
I will give you everything
As a gift, as an offering
Expose the throat
Head held high
Gaze forward- focused
Stark nudity
such vulnerability
this offering of all of me
Stands still
Still here
Standing before you
The Fear
Lies in the trust
Lies in the truth
and lies.
I feel this
Everywhere- in every muscle
In every movement
Like an extension
of everything good in me
Every moment of pride.
An answer
to every tear shed
to every “why” shouted
into emptiness
Stands here
before me
with the deepest brown eyes
and the most beautiful smile…

empowered.

There is no top,
no plateau,
no summit,
there is only up.
Forward. Up.
Limitation
is another man’s word,
we will never know.
Together-
we are everything
all things.
This.
This Love. This Power.
Did not exist
until we created it.
Perfect. Everything is
Perfect.
Perfectly where it’s meant to be.
Here.
Within. Between.
No one who came before
knew,
and none who follow
will see.
Ours. This is ours.
This is us.

i have no control
over anything
but
the me that will be here
when you are gone.

temptation

flesh
swollen, raised...
bruised, aching...
burning
longing
burning...
just a taste
just a tease
just a glimpse to hold on to
to long for
to replay countlessly
over and over
until we meet again...
soon
you said
hold on.
images flash-
body burns
everything craves
everything desires
that touch.
nothing left uncovered.
waiting... hoping.. wanting...
this moment
now
right now
promises and desires
and you
here
now.
you should be here
right now.

restlessness

disconnect
pull back, stagger.
withdraw, release, withdraw.
inside of you
and enveloping me.
was it spoken words?
or purely actions?
is it anything
if i don't give it breath?
tell me,
everything,
all the things
i never want to hear.
your voice
like a drug
i'll never know what hit.
my belief
in this
is more powerful than you.

full moon

nothing
means anything
means everything
means tomorrow
is another day.
the beauty
is in the fight
is in the moments
between minutes.
tangled,
torn,
between
dreams and fears.
fight what's inside
to hold on to the outside.
is it a choice
or a gift
or a game
at the hands of another?
every creation
holds its own keys to destruction.
there exists within,
a passion,
that drives
that builds
that burns
and burns.
all that i have
all that i am
will vanquish in this flame.